Monday, and things are supposed to kick into high gear. My personal issues, petty or otherwise are to be discussed, reviewed, and resolved. I have given much thought regarding achieving a compromise between me and “The Cabin”. Ali, an owner, and my caseworker will meet with me today.
There appears to be a goodly amount of flexibility of the part of the management and staff with daily schedules but zero tolerance allowed from the guests. Ali and Guam were the first staff members to arrive during breakfast. If a first impression is the most important than Ali and I didn’t do to well. I hadn’t started breakfast and was waiting in the open air seating area in front of the offices. I woke up to an emotional speed bump this morning that I didn’t expect. The Internet server was down. The routine I found for myself of waking at 5:00 am and writing, and returning emails, was interrupted – I couldn’t do what I planned and expected to do. I was hoping that when the office opened I could log onto their private line and spend thirty minutes catching up. Maybe Ali also woke up this morning on edge. He saw me sitting there with my laptop on the table and his opening words were,
“You’re not supposed to have your computer here. It is to remain in your room at all times”. Ali is very English, with a strong accent that makes communication for me more difficult than with the others. Emotionally, he’s on the cold side a typical English trait. He was tan with shortly cropped dark hair and a large forehead that would exaggerate his facial expressions. He appeared to be slightly ticked off.
“ I wouldn’t be here with my computer if the Internet service that is supposed to be available in my room worked”, I retorted agitated and now expecting a confrontation rather than an interview.
Instead he retreated and said, “That’s fair enough”. Then went on to describe the computer issues here and how the Internet wireless service to my room is on a timer and fails due to reasons no one is able to determine. It is now attributed to humid environmental conditions. My issues seem to be building. I had discussed that my work is important in my day-to-day life and that my being able to be away for four weeks is based upon my establishing a consistent work schedule. If I knew the computers could be down twice a week, and the pool not heated I doubt I would be here.
Guam turned out to be the unexpected miracle that saved my day. She stood under five foot with no body fat and could have been anywhere from forty-five to sixty years of age. It was totally impossible to tell. She substituted the yogi class for a group bike ride. My guess is, that this was for me. She selected a more difficult route than my Saturday ride with Ty, have three hills and riding through a village with traffic. We ripped through sixteen kilometers in about forty minutes and I never fell more than two bike lengths behind her. Back at “The Cabin” during our post ride stretching she mentioned that I get two, possibly three if I request it, one-on-one physical training sessions weekly.
“We could go on a more challenging ride for you during one of these if you like.” Pulling at her legs with the agility of a yoga instructor and a challenging smile of a competitive marathon runner.
This ride was just fine, I thought to myself and hobbled back to my cabin to shower and wishing I were fifty again.
I can feel the positive changes in my body of not drinking and off the anti-depressants. Without my back issues, I could get back to the physical stamina reminiscent of my Boulder days. What the physical exercise did do is insulate my morning mood and create a natural tolerance to the forces we can’t control – like not having Internet service.
Leslie / Part One
At forty-three with an addiction problem that spans every known drug to man from alcohol to heroin, Leslie is the most disturbed personality here. Her husband tossed her out of the house and she has lost all legal control of her three children. Her parents disconnected long ago. She has difficultly connecting the simplest dots of life and after sixty days in rehab she is still taking meds to limit her heroin withdrawal. She doesn’t miss her husband or her children and likes the fact no one is expecting very much of her here. She’ll have another sixty to ninety days here before moving to a halfway house. It will be a long time before she’s back in Australia and is allowed to participate in motherhood to any extent.
She clung to Alissa and would not let her out of her sight since I first arrived. I felt bad by disturbing the group energy. Alissa and I were attracted to each other, conversationally, if in no other regard. Leslie became instantly jealous and clung even tighter. If Alissa were to put on earphones and liston to music, Leslie would follow suite a minute later. It was obvious, I was a threat -- Leslie didn’t like me. Now that Alissa is gone I’ve been trying to win Leslie over to a minimum degree. She’s way behind in her workbook following the twelve-step method. She has a difficult time expressing her feelings orally, and capturing them in written form is almost impossible. I offered to help her with homework if she would let me. I told her I might be able to help her get her emotions into words or pictures. She hasn’t taken me up on the offer, but the fact that I did offer seems to have helped.
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